It’s day 43 since I quit my job.

morning pages & smoothie
delicious days – morning pages & smoothie

Now I cannot imagine how i was able to squeeze 40 hours of employment into my week. It wasn’t even that my job was particularly boring or hard or stressful, I had lovely colleagues and often a whole lot of fun. But I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do. I wasn’t even sure what it was that I really wanted to, but I knew this wasn’t it. I only felt a part of me present and in demand and the others were slowly wilting away and getting number by the day. So after 4.5 years I called it quits and somehow surprised myself with that decision but while i was steadying myself for the life after I also knew it was the right and only thing to do.

I had been saving up, cutting down on holidays, circumventing bars, restaurants and clubs and instead tried to have as much free fun as possible. And the old adage that the best things in life are free was confirmed: meditation, yoga (online), seeing friends, talking, laughing, cycling, lying in the park cloud-gazing, reading – all came free of charge.

I wanted to find out how it would feel not to be accountable to anybody but myself and taking sole responsibility for my life, my time, my days, how and with whom to spend them. Make all decisions myself and risking of not having anyone but myself to blame in case it would go haywire. With that came entering uncertainty, non-employment, knowing that my savings would run out and because London is London, that this would happen rather sooner than later. Not having the next job lined up or a wealthy auntie about to pass away – and be okay with that.

What’s more, doing all this without having anything or anyone to fall back on, neither family nor partner, but doing it under my own steam without safety net. Scary and exhilarating at the same time. What if I got depressed, just stayed in bed? Without anybody needing me to be anywhere at any time this was definitely a possibility. Without any of the artificial structures holding me together, would I have enough self-initiative and motivation to get up just for my own sake?

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19 thoughts on “It’s day 43 since I quit my job.

      1. It’s funny how things fall into place when we have no choice BUT to make it work.
        21 yrs ago I moved from the islands to the US. Not being a legal resident at the time made it hard to find work that didn’t take advantage of that hidden fact. Five yrs later I started my own business just because I was a single parent and needed reliable income that didn’t depend on someone else calling the shots by hanging my status over my head. God has blessed me with the tenacity to keep that business going even to this day. I’m only now seeking to shift careers as I feel my life goals are taking me in a different direction. A few health issues in the past year have also forced me to reevaluate said goals.

        Lots to accomplish still, so all I can do is pray for strength to keep pressing on.

        Humbled that you appreciate my work. I like your blog too. Happy Wednesday 😀

        Liked by 2 people

  1. Ich bewundere deine Entschlossenheit, so eine Entscheidung braucht viel Mut, glaube ich 🙂 Denke gerade auch darüber nach, wie es in meinem (Berufs-)Leben weitergehen soll und hoffe, dass ich a) bald herausfinde, was das Richtige für mich ist und b) dann auch den Mut habe, a) durchzuziehen… Liebe Grüße aus Karlsruhe, Inga

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Viel Mut und ein bischen Erspartes 😉 Ich habe vor 2 Jahren angefangen Morgenseiten zu schreiben, einfach jeden Tag 3 Seiten was auch immer mir in den Kopf kam, ohne Zensur und wenn nichts kam, dann hab ich geschrieben dass mir nichts einfällt. Dabei sind mir soviele Sachen klar geworden, in persönlicher, professioneller und romantischer Hinsicht… Die Antworten auf die grossen Fragen kommen von selbst wenn du dir die Zeit nimmst und in dich hinein höhrst…
      Klar hast du den Mut Inga, no effort is ever wasted.
      Liebe Grüsse nach Karlsruhe,
      Dagmar

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have just finished reading some of your stuff. Your writing is extraordinarily good. Your account of your family’s background and your life growing up in East Germany, a perverse interest of mine, was especially interesting. Have you happened to read Marta Hiller’s “A Woman in Berlin?” It has to be one of the most remarkable autobiographical accounts I’ve ever read.

    Incidentally, a close friend of my is the son of a Sudetenlander who was chased out post-war Czechoslovakia as a young girl with the rest of her family. I had related to him my reading about the suffering inflicted on them as they were driven out, and this triggered a childhood memory of his mother suffering a panic attack as she watched a man being stripped to the waist, tied to a tree, and flogged in an old TV western.

    I spent 29 years in a career – a writing career, incidentally – which I only found moderately interesting. Indeed, all too frequently I felt like I was being boiled alive in a raging cauldron. Fortunately, though, I stuck it out and retired. With two kids to send through college, I had no other choice. I admire your taking charge of your destiny relatively early in life. You really are a free spirit, someone with discernibly American traits, and I think that you have done the right thing.

    But the thing I find most remarkable is your command of English. You write in a breezy style that some native speakers spend a lifetime cultivating. Anyway, very best wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you so much for your thoughtful thoughts and feedback. I will check out Marta Hiller’s A Woman In Berlin. I’m very interested in recent history and people’s personal stories. I hope you are enjoying your retirement and doing all the things you love. Since I quit my job I find I have far less time then before. There are just so many things to do or maybe it’s just my horizon widening again and suddenly the whole world beckons. have a lovely weekend.

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  3. “It wasn’t even that my job was particularly boring or hard or stressful, I had lovely colleagues and often a whole lot of fun. But I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do. I wasn’t even sure what it was that I really wanted to, but I knew this wasn’t it.”

    Holy crap. That’s exactly how I feel!

    You know, there’s like no stories like yours online. There’s a ton of job quitting stories but they all end up being stories that end with making money online.

    Even when it is the right choice, quitting your job is often difficult because there is no support from anyone or anywhere. I found myself looking for permission to quit my job which made me realize I was being cowardly. You have nothing but well wishes from over here. I will be writing my job quitting story soon too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your response. It made me laugh, especially the part where you say that most stories of job-quitting end up with making money online. Let’s hope our story will lead there eventually 😉 I also looked for permission to quit my job, or thought I can only do it with back-up from parents or partner but then I realised, I can give permission to myself and make it a present to myself. And I did 🙂 will be following you to stay updated on how your story develops. And I’m waiting for your job quitting story!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. And there lies a major difference between you and I . You gave yourself permission and did what you knew best for you. I seek that permission and carry the anger that comes from it not being granted. Good luck, Dagmar ; )

        Liked by 1 person

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